Not too funny.. but.. well… hopeful??

A few have asked about the breakfast date today… It was pretty good… surprisingly…. There is a bit of a back story to this guy…. For those who might remember the ” Thanks for reminding me of what is out there.” guy…… here is a post to our “first” date……/ghosting-is-…/ He’s the guy who hooked up with his ex immediately after our first date (as in less than an HOUR of it….)

I did what any hot headed woman would do at that point… I marked him as spam and didn’t bother again…

It wasn’t until about a month ago that I found out something interesting… he had been texting me… the first one a few minutes after I had blocked him. Apologizing for how it sounded when he said “reminding him what’s out there.” that he meant it in a GOOD way…. that I was a great person… pretty.. etc… but hell, I never got those texts…

OR the DOZENS of others he continued to send me over the next 9 months, almost weekly… pictures of places he went… Xmas trees, snow, a rainbow….. apparently he left our “2nd” date and went home and broke it off with her permanently.. and didn’t date anyone.. at all… just kind of pined for ME…

(a first.. WHO pines for ME?? seriously… ME??? )

I only found the texts because my spam folder was taking up too much room on my cell…. 9 months of “I wish you would talk to me again.. I’m sorry I hurt you….”

So, I gave him another chance.. He made me chicken soup a while back when I was sick… asks DAILY about my son… not pushy.. isn’t handsy… makes me laugh… sooo… I guess I’m kind of dating someone??? 5 dates??? Is that dating????

Told me today he forgets how pretty I am…..



OLD neighbor post…..

I am putting up the warning with this post.  This is NOT a clean blog… I talk about sex, I use 4 letter words, and I speak off color.  If this offends you.. PLEASE do not read further….  And do not say I never warned you…

Anyone still reading??  Yup.. I see you… and I KNEW you would still be here….

This is the story about Click Click my neighbor.  Click click used to live in the apartment right next door. The tenant who replaced her is the one with the 5 boys.. No, I never miss my last neighbor.

Click Click was a quiet sort.  She had a son who suffered from “I’m an ass hole don’t look at me” syndrome…  and he would smoke the whacky tabacky on a daily basis… I knew because his room is adjacent to mine… we share a wall…  and I could SMELL it….. every… single.. day…  But this is not about AH (short for ass-hole), this is about his stellar mom Click Click.

Now, Click Click was a throw back to the 60s..Long hair past her ass… hippie style cloths.. heavy into social style “pharmaceuticals” and had a portable breath analyzer in her car (court ordered) that she had to blow into for the car to start.  Mother to 6 kids, oldest and youngest living with her..  youngest was my youngest’s age, same class and all.

I first learned about click clicks extra curricular activities one day when my son came home from hanging out with the girl next door and said.. “Mom, what is a dancer pole used for?”  Now, HOW does one answer an 9 year old boy when asked this?  Exercise son.. exercise.  Pauses… WHY do you want to know son?  Well, C’s mother has one in her bedroom… and a bunch of cameras and these umbrella things…

ME:  Coughs… OH???  and why were you up in her room son?  C was showing me how she does this dance thing she saw her mom do… Coughs… Well, I don’t think it’s really a great idea for you to be going up in her room.. that’s not nice..   OK mom.. I’m going out to see J across the street…. Ok son.. have fun…

Cameras? Umbrellas? A FREAKIN POLE??  WHAT is she doing up there??

4 days later my question is answered….. J’s mother comes over with my youngest and her son in tow…. apparently they can see my neighbors bedroom from J’s bedroom across the street………… What are we going to do about it?  WELL… we go next door and knock… and knock… and knock…. and finally click click comes to the door… in a see-threw robe… I’M WORKING WTF DO YOU WANT?

We want you to close your blinds! While my son and J are standing behind us, gaping at her in her see-through what ever it was she was wearing…  Ok son… J.. run along and ride your bikes…

She had business cards…a website… I kid you not…..

She also put new blinds up so the kids wouldn’t see in her room again….

Her webpage is gone… but if you ever stumble on the web cam for “Bunny Foo Foo”  beware… she likes beer cans and ummm.. other weird stuff…


Why do I bother?

As I’ve stated before, this is not a clean blog… It contains adult situation, language and is not recommended for young audiences… It is specifically designed to be viewed by adults and therefore may be unsuitable for children under 17. This blog may contain one or more of the following: crude indecent language and sexual situations.

Having said that, I wonder what men are thinking sometimes. I mean seriously, from getting emails from them asking for panties to photos of my feet and asking if I would be willing to let them paint my toes, photos of shoes they want me to wear for them, and asking me if I would allow them to “landscape” my”bushes”this whole online dating thing turns from being fun and interesting to being scary and creepy.

I try not to be rude to people, but seriously, this is getting VERY tiring.

I’ve decided to join E-harmony, and am a paying member. I deleted all the other sites, the free stuff, the “I’m married looking for someone to make me feel excitement again” sites… and the “Let’s hook up, do you have issues with someone who is 23?” and “Are you 420 friendly?” and “I’m not looking for a relationship, just a fuck buddy”.

So I joined the 1000 question website, paid my not so little month of billing, and started answering the questions. With this number of questions and the depth of them I’m amazed how anyone can actually have anything to talk about after!  Asking me my favorite color, presidential preference, car I drive, kids I have, favorite music, and movies and how many fingers and toes I have, my first date (IF I ever get one) from this site will be the most boring thing on the face of this earth.  Talking to someone is a chore, and you scramble to find a single subject that isn’t touched on by the book of questions.Then HE sent me a message.  Talked for a few hours, and then the neediness showed it’s ugly head. DUDE, you’re 55, understand I have a life and I’m NOT pinned to my computer for 24/7/365… I DO need to walk away and, I don’t know maybe SLEEP… I woke this morning to a book length email berating me for signing off (even though I DID say good night and he replied in kind) I was called names I didn’t know existed, and then he started cutting me down for my looks, likes, dislikes, etc..

Where do these men come from? But I AM starting to understand that this fishing pond of online dating is for the men who are NOT capable of getting a date in real-time. But what does that say about me in the process?  I’m in that pond fishing too… Does that make me incapable of finding a real date in person? When you look for information on dating site profiles, most of them tell you that it’s YOU attracting these men… that it’s MY fault… that I have done something, said something, posted something to lure them to my profile…


I keep hoping that some meeting I go to, some store, etc, somewhere he’s looking for ME too…  And he’s going to find me…

But, is it a bad thing that I am actually considering selling my panties to that last guy who offered me $30 a pair?




Dating isn’t what it used to be!

Again, a heads up to you.. this is NOT a censored blog… IF swears and sexual subjects are offensive to you, PLEASE do NOT read my posts… This edition has clips from emails sent to me… they are NOT pleasant or even funny… so PLEASE don’t read me if you get offended….   THANKS!

SO, having said that…… Some men, seriously, what do they think when they send emails to women who interest them?  I posted a profile on Craigs List a few weeks ago… Aside from it being deleted for my use of “key” words in sentences such as:  *I hate spiders, your job will be killing them*  it’s been an interesting adventure… and some of it NOT very pleasant..

My post was cleaned up for Terms Of Service language mistakes…… but yet many men flagged it……

Family is extremely important to me. IF you don’t understand that, DON’T contact me. Jeans and t-shirt kind of girl. I ride my own motorcycle, and wrench it when needed. I’m not looking for a knight in shining armor… a sweet man in blue jeans suits me JUST fine. (I am afraid of spiders, so you will be on duty for them.) I like going out to listen to bad karaoke, bands, djs, etc. I like to slow dance, but will dance fast if you promise not to laugh tooooo hard. (fish out of water flopping is a good comparison) Otherwise I enjoy sitting on the sidelines and watching the antics of others. I’m kind of shy and quiet at first, but do have a very twisted sense of humor that can be quite dry and inappropriate (Yeah, I’m the one cracking jokes at funerals, sorry)

I have tats….. 4 of them… multiple earrings… short hair…. a husky laugh and I DO snort if I laugh too hard. Hey, it can be endearing (or so I’m told.)

I am looking for a RELATIONSHIP… and we have to click…I am NOT looking to put out on the first date. I am not looking for “special” photos of body parts. I am not looking for someone who is married.

I couldn’t understand WHY they would flag it…  It’s clean… It’s witty… It DOES seem to resonate with the type of men I would like to get to know…  Then in my spam box today I found a response from a week ago…

we” keep telling you no thanks and flagging your ad.
You seem a little thick headed and unable to learn or understand……..
“We’re” not interested in seeing a ad from yet another pushy bitch type. Most of us are looking for actual females, not Nazi dyke bitches playing at being women.
OK then…. me thinks someone has a small penis and doesn’t like women who know what they want? I’m 48 years old buddy… sorry if that scares you… perhaps you need someone with no spine?  Yeah, thanks, move along asshat.
Another post from my spam box… this from about a week ago too…
Hi I’m Andy I’m 45 and I am looking to meet some new people. I am honestly really frustrated I got divorced 4 months ago and life was going great! I just felt this robust vigor and a zest for life that was sorely missing! I started dating a woman that was 25 years younger. She just really understood me. My ex found out about the relationship and started harassing her. We were sharing the same cell plan I have since gotten my own plan. Anyways she got scared and ended our relationship. My ex hated that I was so happy! She can be vengeful! So now I am back out here dating. It really sucks. Would you be free this week to meet for drinks? I could use a night out.
REALLY?????? What does one say to someone like that????
From the “I left our date and went to my exs and hooked up… thanks for letting me know how tough it is to be single and what kind of women are out there” to the penis photos… to the “I’ve been separated a week and I’m so lonely and horny can you come over?”  and my all time favorite that showed up in my inbox today:  “Do you have panties I can buy?”  And we ALL remember my date with the “teacher”
WHAT are they thinking???  What happened to the wait a few dates before you even attempt getting intimate?  I miss the mystery, the romance, the firsts… I miss laughing with someone… being held JUST because they want to hold me, not because they want sex/bj/hj or what EVER may be on their mind.  Is it wrong to want a link with someone? To FEEL for someone before you jump in the sack?  Is it wrong to still be old school and not want sex for the sake of sex.. but for emotions, bonding, intimacy… not a wham bam thanks mam life…
I feel sorry for some of the men I hear from… their expectations and demands are set so high that I doubt they find what they desire…  And I feel sorry for ME too… because MY expectations are set high … I’m waiting for a gentleman.. someone I can trust to bare my battered body and soul to…

Ghosting is a “thing” now…

So, what constitutes a first date? In 30 words or less can someone tell me?  I obviously don’t know, and can’t read any signs from men.

The night went well in my estimation.  We laughed, we joked, we danced, we kissed… I was attracted to him. We held hands.  His hand was on my knee and never wandered up.  He never got handsy.. didn’t grope… We parted ways with a “I had a great time! I will talk to you tomorrow”  I sent a text when I got home thanking him for a great night.  He replied, again, he had a great time, liked my nutso friends that were there. That he looks forward to seeing me again. He’ll call me in the morning for coffee/breakfast… Hugs, kisses, smiley face.

My good morning text never came the next day. 5 days of them exactly at 7 a.m. and nothing.  So, being a “modern” woman I sent one around 8.  It’s Saturday, different schedules and all that… all week he answered my texts in minutes…..

It’s now 9 a.m. the following day…


WHAT makes a good first date?  Did I miss something somewhere?  Or is it that guys are just dicks?

Was it because I don’t “put out” on the first date? He never gave even a HINT that was what he was looking for. Not that he would have gotten it.. seriously.. who even does that?  Not that I am judging those who DO do that.  But I don’t.  I am still “Old fashioned” and need to have a connection with someone and that needs to develop over a few dates and few weeks before I hop in the proverbial sack.  And I usually know in moments of meeting someone IF that person is even worthy of my shaving my legs and pulling out the matching undies for the next date or two.

Listen to me, I haven’t even GOTTEN to the second flipping date in decades…

Am I broken? Is that what the issue is? Am I still in the 1980’s with the way I date and think? Wouldn’t someone close to my own age be in that same mind set too?   I’m not a low cut shirt, high-heels, gobs of make-up type of girl.  I’m a tom-boy… I like digging in the dirt, I can use a hammer, change my own oil, and ride a motor cycle.  My fashion is Jeans and a t-shirt but I DO clean up nicely when it’s warranted.  I’m reserved. I don’t really get loud.  I don’t drink.  I don’t do drugs. I don’t smoke. I do swear if the situation is appropriate. I have a twisted sense of humor and sometimes crack jokes at funerals.

I also don’t have sex with someone on the first date.

I don’t and won’t chase a man who doesn’t want me.

And apparently I can’t read situations as well as I thought I could.

I used to think it was my weight. That men couldn’t be attracted to someone who had the extra fluff that I had… that they weren’t capable of riding the waves a bigger girl could give.

Obviously it’s not, and somewhere along the line I broke, and I’m not aware of it.. or where that break is… or even how to fix it…

I want to text this guy and ASK what did I misread? Where did I mess up? What was it that I did wrong that made him run like he did?  Not that I would change who I am… that’s NOT me at all.. take me or leave me…

But I would like to know what it is that makes men run like the devil is at their heals.


Mommy has a date

So, I have a date tomorrow.

Yes, I’m attempting “this” again.

He runs his own small business.

He makes me laugh.

Haven’t seen a dick picture AT all…

None of our chats have even gone NEAR sex talk.

I mentioned a place I go to frequently to see Karoke…  HE asked if I wanted to meet there Friday for dinner and to watch Karoke..  Said he knew I would be comfy there and feel safe.

Brownie points in my book.

I seem to be osculating between OMG I have a date to OMG WTF am I doing? WHY am I doing this? Am I FN NUTS??  Do I really WANT a relationship?  Yeah, I know it’s just a date… but seriously, isn’t dating about looking for a partner?

So, as I sit here typing this, my mind is going a million miles a minute… Panic is setting in… almost to the point I don’t want to go..

Is this NORMAL? Am I normal?

He makes me laugh.. but he’s not my TYPE.. Don’t we all have a type?  I do, and he doesn’t really fit that profile looks wise…… but he makes me laugh….

I already have that first date nightmare over with.. no where to go but up right?

But OMG what if that teacher date was the BEST I was going to have?  I’m petrified of the fact I could be hitting lower on that guy scale….

Am I trying to talk myself out of this because I’m scared?

What do I wear??????


I have been so badly hurt in the past.. I don’t want to be hurt again.  Can I wrap my heart up in bubble wrap and just put it in a box somewhere to protect it?  I know I’m scared… I know why I’m scared… I know I’m running ahead of myself…. Do I really want to do this? Or am I better off being alone?  But what’s the harm in going on a date?  Fat me wouldn’t have an issue with this… Skinny me is more unsure of herself than I thought she could ever be….. Fat me had an excuse that her fat was what drove guys away.. skinny me knows she doesn’t have that excuse and any rejection is going to be because of ME….

Double ugh.

My latest emails from my dating profile

For those who don’t know:  HWP is Height Weight Proportionate.   DDF is Drug Disease Free  MFM is Married for Married…

I haven’t posted in a while, these stories are in addition to the lovely men who I have shared about on my Face Book page. It seems no matter what I put as a profile photo.. no matter what I say IN that profile, I get nothing but creeps and jerks.

I think my sense of humor is waning with this whole “dating” thing.  I’ve had one serious date in the years of “looking” for that special someone. That one date made me get Pepper Spray the next morning.  (That story can be found in another one of my blog posts)

Granted, this last year is the first year I’ve actually been dead serious and actually have been searching with some intent on dating.  I’ve reinvented myself by loosing weight, getting healthy, and letting the seeds I’ve planted over the years come to bloom.  If I had known THIS was what was out there…… I would have continued eating the pizza and ice cream and stayed happy being alone.

Without further ado, here are the newest ‘winners’…. and yes, you can use ‘winners’ in various ways….

Guy age 23……. His email to me….Hi, I am looking for a women into watching each other masterbaiting. It can be exciting to watch each other get off together. If this might sound fun please email me.

Guy age 40….. Are you the girl everyone thinks is good and wholesome, the girl next door? Only deep down is a horny naughty girl aching to come out. You spend hours masturbating to porn imagining you are the porn starlette. You so want to experience porn star like sex, but are afraid to show this naughty side.

Guy age 53…. if you like sex fun and friendship lets talk . age ? i am 53 yrs old average normal fun . you come tell me i am just looking to see what goes . feel free to say hi and let life happen . thanks …….   Attached photo of him “doggying” a woman…

Guy age 37…. Hello… I’m a good looking, normal, sane guy, 37, HWP and DDF with short brown hair and brown eyes, educated, laid back guy that loves to laugh. Always smiling! Not happy at home, looking for like minded female interested in fun on the side. Discretion is a must; not looking to change my home situation or yours. Mostly available for discreet encounters during working hours. Is there anyone out there that wants to be happier with some added excitement and romance?

Guy age 19  (yes, 19)  Maybe I’m fishing in the wrong pond here but after several relationships over the years that haven’t gone too well, I decided to come back here to see what happens. I’m a thin, white avid fisher and sports watcher who is independent and just looking for the right woman to talk with for now and to see if anything more might happen.

I know what I want and I’m not looking for a one-night stand, someone to toy with or lead astray. I’m seeking a woman that knows what love is really all about. You might think it’s easy to find out there but why haven’t I been able to find it yet after all these years?

With the weather getting nicer and fishing weather just around the corner, I want to spend this spring, and perhaps this lifetime, with a new woman who is down to earth, knows what she wants and can make me feel appreciated. I’m a slow starter but have a HUGE heart for whoever manages to ride it out. I am independent with a job, car and place and all I’m looking for now is the right woman.

I drink socially and do NOT want a smoker so please if you smoke, I wish you luck in your search. Please be between 18-28 years old, SINGLE and know what you’re looking for. I melt for intelligence, those who hold conversations, and fun personalities. Pics aren’t necessary but I value good introductions.



Missed Connections

Craig’s list has a dozen or so “relationship” pages  (“relationship” I use that word loosely) I wander the pages almost daily, first because they are funny… but second, because, well, the “Missed Connections” page is interesting.  I can’t help but read each and every one of the posts in hopes someone has noticed ME and was too dumbstruck by my beauty and smile to say hi at the time.  Now is kicking himself because, well, he missed his chance.

HEY.. I can DREAM right?  That kind of stuff only happens in chick flicks… (something I may be fond of, but I’ll deny it if it comes up in conversation… shhhhh)

A week ago I stumbled upon an ad posted in the wrong spot.  Decided what the hell and answered the ad. He seems decent enough, but now I find I’m jaded towards what men are like… and can’t help but think his being polite or gentlemanly is actually an act and he’s an ax murder looking to lure me into a restaurant where he will come in and kill everyone around us.. (Ok, so chick flicks aren’t my ONLY guilty pleasure in movies….)

What IS normal today?  Can someone tell me?  Because I don’t KNOW.  Is it normal to send photos of a penis before you send one of your face?  (Although, I will say most of the guys who send penis pics ARE dickheads…)  Can men be scared too? Is that even possible? Ok, I know it’s possible… but is it probable?  They DO seem to hold all the cards in this dating game stuff.  I sent quick emails to men on dating sites and they don’t answer back… but yet, I get emails I feel obligated to say NO THANK YOU to those I’m not interested in.  I can’t be rude, even to those who I feel are creeps.

I often wonder if computer viruses are actually sexually-transmitted diseases passed through dating sites…

Craig’s List M4W…..

Yeah, desperate times call for desperate measures and Craig’s List is a special kind of desperate.  From selling motorcycle parts, cars, and used bedding down to looking for a certain someone to have deep meaningless one night stands with… and if you click on the “used furniture” links, you can buy one of the other night stands too… ($3.00 more you can get a matching lamp with crappy shade still covered in cigarette smoke soaked plastic.)

We hear horror stories of Craig’s List killers, rapes, robberies etc… But do you ever go and READ some of these posts?  I do, I always go and read the “Missed Connections” posts…. and the “Rants and Raves” Obama is the spawn of satin (shiny smooth material? Really dude?)  If you want to read the bowels of society posts, that’s the place to go.  Just don’t do it when you are in a bad mood, trust me on that.  The special kind of stupid on the “Rants and Raves” are really painful, and I always hope that some of these people don’t reproduce.

Sadly, they are the ones who get all the dates.

Male: 38 Smoke and Suck (females only)

Male: 24 BBW with Tight Vag wanted.

Male: 48 Married for Married.

Male: 33 Looking to Impregnate a Latina


I kid you not…

And the lingo… it’s like learning a whole new lanaguage!  BBW, M4W, M4M, BDSM, T4W, LTR, FWB, BB, ASL, MBA…  It’s enough to make someone’s head spin…

I stepped into the dating world knowing it wasn’t going to be easy.  Back in my teens dating was something fun and exciting and the only stalking people could do was riding a bike in front of their house or calling their house phones and hanging up. Now, we have the wide web at our finger tips.  Connected via email/chat/facebook/snapchat/twitter and a zillion other giga-byte sucking apps.  For 9.99 you can find out all about someones past/present/future and shoe size (If you go onto Plenty of Fish you can find out their dick size quicker and for free).  How are we to discover who someone is when it’s all available in digital format just waiting for our greedy fingers to tap and slide our way to it?

SO, I met this new guy on Craig’s List… yeah, I’m that certain kind of desperate lately…  10 emails so far, I have a first name, and no dick photos. (A FIRST!)   I have gotten a couple of chuckles, (My favorite being a about dating being a combination of Jerry Springer and a Nancy Drew Mystery) Nothing overtly sexual (ok, flirtingly but NOT here’s my number make me cum … another first!) he’s local (20 miles) and my age.  Next test is to send a photo……. OH which one to send?  (Wish Glamour Shots was still around!)

What made me contact him… yes, I was the first to make the move in this one, was the fact that he commented about surviving the “Singles awareness day” and was up doing laundry and making a grocery list on the Monday morning.. the EXACT same thing I was doing at the time while browsing Craig’s list for one night stand…….  with a crappy lamp included…




Dating Site Adventures

Do you like phone sex?  Diaper play?  Golden Showers?  Ever had sex with a dog?  Scat play?  (I had to look THAT one up…  and NO, It’s NOT a type of JAZZ…..ICK)  I’m married, I’m just separated. I’m lonely.  I’m looking to get laid.   Are there any real women on this site?  I am looking for someone to take care of me and my 4 year old son…… My wife just died last week and I’m lonely. (Yes, someone actually emailed me that last night.. I asked his name, did a google search.. and WOW.. she DID just die like days ago… not sure the body is even freakin COLD at this moment)

And then, my favorite:  Are you a real person or a bot on this site.  Are there ANY real women on this site?  Yup, there are… and you just sent them a pic of your flaccid dick… dude, at least TRIM the BUSHES… seriously… And if you have to hold it up in a pic, perhaps it’s not one you want to be sending out?

I have read and re-read my online dating profile and I don’t GET where they think I’m into this stuff.  I am actually wondering if ALL people are into these things and I’m just a prude.  I have heard of animal attraction to someone…  Not sure that means dogs though…

My profile on three sites is as follows:

Who am I? I’m a funny, free-spirited, open minded forty-something woman who enjoys riding a motorcycle . I find humor in every day experiences.

I’m self sufficient but love having doors opened for me. While I am mostly indoorsy, I also enjoy outdoor activities such as going to parks, camping, fishing..  I do like to go out with friends to listen to Karaoke as well as movies and dinners…What am I looking for? A good laugh, a partner in crime, great conversation, honesty, and a friend.  Get to know me before you ask for my cell phone number. You should message me if you are tired of talking to your pets. While it’s true that their love is unconditional, they may not be telling you the whole truth.

SEE???   Nothing that I want to mother someone…change diapers… Nothing saying I am overly “fond” of farm animals….Zilch about me liking to play with bodily secretions..  NOTHING that says let’s hook up, I like to talk dirty over the phone to men I don’t know (1-900 numbers available for that) 99 cents per minute and you don’t have to buy them dinner…

As I type this my APP beeps and a 28-year-old guy asks if I am 420 friendly and if I wanna hook up tonight…

Is it that I say I’m free-spirited?  Open minded?  I just DON’T get it..


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