Weird neighbor story 103: The case of the flat tire.
This morning when I woke, I saw that the hot-water-on-a-frozen-windshield-neighbor had a flat tire, and was parked right in front of my house. I gathered my morning items and sat for the show. He didn’t let me down. Please take note of details.. they all play a part in this days adventure.
Picture if you may, small red Toyota, black and red panels (black ones have replaced damaged ones from god only knows what incidents) Flat tire, front drivers side. 30 mins or so after I sat down to watch, he comes out and gets in his car, starts it up, and starts to pull out….. and notices something is wrong. He gets out, notices the flat and spews forth vulgarities that make sailors blush.
He reaches back in and turns the car off, but turns it so his radio is left on blaring some awful base/cat screeching/murder in an alley sounding music, then pops the trunk and proceeds to empty it out…… cases of empties, boxes of papers, a body (no, but I wouldn’t’ be surprised) and puts all the items on the ground right behind the car. Finally finds the jack and pulls it out.
It’s not one of the newer jacks, that look like scissors but one of the old ones, that I don’t think ANY car uses any more. The one with the long straight bar and the hook that hooks onto spots on the car…. 20 mins he figures out that it doesn’t work on his car. So he decides to figure out a way to use it anyway….. and decides to use it on his front bumper.
He puts the thing together, and then fights to figure out how to work it. Manages to get it caught on the bumper and starts to lift the car. Gets it up high enough to get the tire off and then decides to break the lugs….. on a tire that is now spinning on it’s own……. My favorite one was when he put the tire iron on the lug and stood on it… and the tire spun, and he fell on his backside. I shut the window at that point because he would have heard me laughing over the caterwauling coming from his base speakers..
He let the car down, broke the lugs, jacks it back up.. gets the tire off. Then goes to get the spare……. reverse order spare is on, and now to tighten the lugs with car up…..
As we have already established, the car is on a jack, just hooked on the thin aluminum lip of the bumper, and probably held on with what? 2 screws? The weight of a man jumping on a tire iron to tighten it, so the iron is going clockwise, would pull the car backwards… but, the car being in the air and spinning free will only make that force do what? Anyone?? Yup, it pulls the car OFF the jack and the bumper off the car… which rolls back onto the junk in back of it…… down onto a spare that is FLAT. AND he falls on his ass…. He gets up, grabs the tire iron, flings it…….
and breaks the windshield.. it spiderwebs but doesn’t shatter.
That was 2 hours ago….. Since then, the bumper is in his trunk. Some friend came and put a donut on it that has air in it. Now, he just went to get into the car to drive it away….. but the battery is dead because he had the music (if that is indeed what it is called) on for almost 90 mins.