Dating Site Adventures

Do you like phone sex?  Diaper play?  Golden Showers?  Ever had sex with a dog?  Scat play?  (I had to look THAT one up…  and NO, It’s NOT a type of JAZZ…..ICK)  I’m married, I’m just separated. I’m lonely.  I’m looking to get laid.   Are there any real women on this site?  I am looking for someone to take care of me and my 4 year old son…… My wife just died last week and I’m lonely. (Yes, someone actually emailed me that last night.. I asked his name, did a google search.. and WOW.. she DID just die like days ago… not sure the body is even freakin COLD at this moment)

And then, my favorite:  Are you a real person or a bot on this site.  Are there ANY real women on this site?  Yup, there are… and you just sent them a pic of your flaccid dick… dude, at least TRIM the BUSHES… seriously… And if you have to hold it up in a pic, perhaps it’s not one you want to be sending out?

I have read and re-read my online dating profile and I don’t GET where they think I’m into this stuff.  I am actually wondering if ALL people are into these things and I’m just a prude.  I have heard of animal attraction to someone…  Not sure that means dogs though…

My profile on three sites is as follows:

Who am I? I’m a funny, free-spirited, open minded forty-something woman who enjoys riding a motorcycle . I find humor in every day experiences.

I’m self sufficient but love having doors opened for me. While I am mostly indoorsy, I also enjoy outdoor activities such as going to parks, camping, fishing..  I do like to go out with friends to listen to Karaoke as well as movies and dinners…What am I looking for? A good laugh, a partner in crime, great conversation, honesty, and a friend.  Get to know me before you ask for my cell phone number. You should message me if you are tired of talking to your pets. While it’s true that their love is unconditional, they may not be telling you the whole truth.

SEE???   Nothing that I want to mother someone…change diapers… Nothing saying I am overly “fond” of farm animals….Zilch about me liking to play with bodily secretions..  NOTHING that says let’s hook up, I like to talk dirty over the phone to men I don’t know (1-900 numbers available for that) 99 cents per minute and you don’t have to buy them dinner…

As I type this my APP beeps and a 28-year-old guy asks if I am 420 friendly and if I wanna hook up tonight…

Is it that I say I’m free-spirited?  Open minded?  I just DON’T get it..

 

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