Category Archives: Mommy’s got a date

Not too funny.. but.. well… hopeful??

A few have asked about the breakfast date today… It was pretty good… surprisingly…. There is a bit of a back story to this guy…. For those who might remember the ” Thanks for reminding me of what is out there.” guy…… here is a post to our “first” date… https://alookfromtheotherside.wordpress.com/…/ghosting-is-…/ He’s the guy who hooked up with his ex immediately after our first date (as in less than an HOUR of it….)

I did what any hot headed woman would do at that point… I marked him as spam and didn’t bother again…

It wasn’t until about a month ago that I found out something interesting… he had been texting me… the first one a few minutes after I had blocked him. Apologizing for how it sounded when he said “reminding him what’s out there.” that he meant it in a GOOD way…. that I was a great person… pretty.. etc… but hell, I never got those texts…

OR the DOZENS of others he continued to send me over the next 9 months, almost weekly… pictures of places he went… Xmas trees, snow, a rainbow….. apparently he left our “2nd” date and went home and broke it off with her permanently.. and didn’t date anyone.. at all… just kind of pined for ME…

(a first.. WHO pines for ME?? seriously… ME??? )

I only found the texts because my spam folder was taking up too much room on my cell…. 9 months of “I wish you would talk to me again.. I’m sorry I hurt you….”

So, I gave him another chance.. He made me chicken soup a while back when I was sick… asks DAILY about my son… not pushy.. isn’t handsy… makes me laugh… sooo… I guess I’m kind of dating someone??? 5 dates??? Is that dating????

Told me today he forgets how pretty I am…..

Geesh……….

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Dating isn’t what it used to be!

Again, a heads up to you.. this is NOT a censored blog… IF swears and sexual subjects are offensive to you, PLEASE do NOT read my posts… This edition has clips from emails sent to me… they are NOT pleasant or even funny… so PLEASE don’t read me if you get offended….   THANKS!

SO, having said that…… Some men, seriously, what do they think when they send emails to women who interest them?  I posted a profile on Craigs List a few weeks ago… Aside from it being deleted for my use of “key” words in sentences such as:  *I hate spiders, your job will be killing them*  it’s been an interesting adventure… and some of it NOT very pleasant..

My post was cleaned up for Terms Of Service language mistakes…… but yet many men flagged it……

Family is extremely important to me. IF you don’t understand that, DON’T contact me. Jeans and t-shirt kind of girl. I ride my own motorcycle, and wrench it when needed. I’m not looking for a knight in shining armor… a sweet man in blue jeans suits me JUST fine. (I am afraid of spiders, so you will be on duty for them.) I like going out to listen to bad karaoke, bands, djs, etc. I like to slow dance, but will dance fast if you promise not to laugh tooooo hard. (fish out of water flopping is a good comparison) Otherwise I enjoy sitting on the sidelines and watching the antics of others. I’m kind of shy and quiet at first, but do have a very twisted sense of humor that can be quite dry and inappropriate (Yeah, I’m the one cracking jokes at funerals, sorry)

I have tats….. 4 of them… multiple earrings… short hair…. a husky laugh and I DO snort if I laugh too hard. Hey, it can be endearing (or so I’m told.)

I am looking for a RELATIONSHIP… and we have to click…I am NOT looking to put out on the first date. I am not looking for “special” photos of body parts. I am not looking for someone who is married.

I couldn’t understand WHY they would flag it…  It’s clean… It’s witty… It DOES seem to resonate with the type of men I would like to get to know…  Then in my spam box today I found a response from a week ago…

we” keep telling you no thanks and flagging your ad.
You seem a little thick headed and unable to learn or understand……..
“We’re” not interested in seeing a ad from yet another pushy bitch type. Most of us are looking for actual females, not Nazi dyke bitches playing at being women.
OK then…. me thinks someone has a small penis and doesn’t like women who know what they want? I’m 48 years old buddy… sorry if that scares you… perhaps you need someone with no spine?  Yeah, thanks, move along asshat.
Another post from my spam box… this from about a week ago too…
Hi I’m Andy I’m 45 and I am looking to meet some new people. I am honestly really frustrated I got divorced 4 months ago and life was going great! I just felt this robust vigor and a zest for life that was sorely missing! I started dating a woman that was 25 years younger. She just really understood me. My ex found out about the relationship and started harassing her. We were sharing the same cell plan I have since gotten my own plan. Anyways she got scared and ended our relationship. My ex hated that I was so happy! She can be vengeful! So now I am back out here dating. It really sucks. Would you be free this week to meet for drinks? I could use a night out.
REALLY?????? What does one say to someone like that????
From the “I left our date and went to my exs and hooked up… thanks for letting me know how tough it is to be single and what kind of women are out there” to the penis photos… to the “I’ve been separated a week and I’m so lonely and horny can you come over?”  and my all time favorite that showed up in my inbox today:  “Do you have panties I can buy?”  And we ALL remember my date with the “teacher”  https://alookfromtheotherside.wordpress.com/2016/02/03/28-years-since-my-first-date/
WHAT are they thinking???  What happened to the wait a few dates before you even attempt getting intimate?  I miss the mystery, the romance, the firsts… I miss laughing with someone… being held JUST because they want to hold me, not because they want sex/bj/hj or what EVER may be on their mind.  Is it wrong to want a link with someone? To FEEL for someone before you jump in the sack?  Is it wrong to still be old school and not want sex for the sake of sex.. but for emotions, bonding, intimacy… not a wham bam thanks mam life…
I feel sorry for some of the men I hear from… their expectations and demands are set so high that I doubt they find what they desire…  And I feel sorry for ME too… because MY expectations are set high … I’m waiting for a gentleman.. someone I can trust to bare my battered body and soul to…

Ghosting is a “thing” now…

So, what constitutes a first date? In 30 words or less can someone tell me?  I obviously don’t know, and can’t read any signs from men.

The night went well in my estimation.  We laughed, we joked, we danced, we kissed… I was attracted to him. We held hands.  His hand was on my knee and never wandered up.  He never got handsy.. didn’t grope… We parted ways with a “I had a great time! I will talk to you tomorrow”  I sent a text when I got home thanking him for a great night.  He replied, again, he had a great time, liked my nutso friends that were there. That he looks forward to seeing me again. He’ll call me in the morning for coffee/breakfast… Hugs, kisses, smiley face.

My good morning text never came the next day. 5 days of them exactly at 7 a.m. and nothing.  So, being a “modern” woman I sent one around 8.  It’s Saturday, different schedules and all that… all week he answered my texts in minutes…..

It’s now 9 a.m. the following day…

nothing.

WHAT makes a good first date?  Did I miss something somewhere?  Or is it that guys are just dicks?

Was it because I don’t “put out” on the first date? He never gave even a HINT that was what he was looking for. Not that he would have gotten it.. seriously.. who even does that?  Not that I am judging those who DO do that.  But I don’t.  I am still “Old fashioned” and need to have a connection with someone and that needs to develop over a few dates and few weeks before I hop in the proverbial sack.  And I usually know in moments of meeting someone IF that person is even worthy of my shaving my legs and pulling out the matching undies for the next date or two.

Listen to me, I haven’t even GOTTEN to the second flipping date in decades…

Am I broken? Is that what the issue is? Am I still in the 1980’s with the way I date and think? Wouldn’t someone close to my own age be in that same mind set too?   I’m not a low cut shirt, high-heels, gobs of make-up type of girl.  I’m a tom-boy… I like digging in the dirt, I can use a hammer, change my own oil, and ride a motor cycle.  My fashion is Jeans and a t-shirt but I DO clean up nicely when it’s warranted.  I’m reserved. I don’t really get loud.  I don’t drink.  I don’t do drugs. I don’t smoke. I do swear if the situation is appropriate. I have a twisted sense of humor and sometimes crack jokes at funerals.

I also don’t have sex with someone on the first date.

I don’t and won’t chase a man who doesn’t want me.

And apparently I can’t read situations as well as I thought I could.

I used to think it was my weight. That men couldn’t be attracted to someone who had the extra fluff that I had… that they weren’t capable of riding the waves a bigger girl could give.

Obviously it’s not, and somewhere along the line I broke, and I’m not aware of it.. or where that break is… or even how to fix it…

I want to text this guy and ASK what did I misread? Where did I mess up? What was it that I did wrong that made him run like he did?  Not that I would change who I am… that’s NOT me at all.. take me or leave me…

But I would like to know what it is that makes men run like the devil is at their heals.

 

Mommy has a date

So, I have a date tomorrow.

Yes, I’m attempting “this” again.

He runs his own small business.

He makes me laugh.

Haven’t seen a dick picture AT all…

None of our chats have even gone NEAR sex talk.

I mentioned a place I go to frequently to see Karoke…  HE asked if I wanted to meet there Friday for dinner and to watch Karoke..  Said he knew I would be comfy there and feel safe.

Brownie points in my book.

I seem to be osculating between OMG I have a date to OMG WTF am I doing? WHY am I doing this? Am I FN NUTS??  Do I really WANT a relationship?  Yeah, I know it’s just a date… but seriously, isn’t dating about looking for a partner?

So, as I sit here typing this, my mind is going a million miles a minute… Panic is setting in… almost to the point I don’t want to go..

Is this NORMAL? Am I normal?

He makes me laugh.. but he’s not my TYPE.. Don’t we all have a type?  I do, and he doesn’t really fit that profile looks wise…… but he makes me laugh….

I already have that first date nightmare over with.. no where to go but up right?

But OMG what if that teacher date was the BEST I was going to have?  I’m petrified of the fact I could be hitting lower on that guy scale….

Am I trying to talk myself out of this because I’m scared?

What do I wear??????

UGH

I have been so badly hurt in the past.. I don’t want to be hurt again.  Can I wrap my heart up in bubble wrap and just put it in a box somewhere to protect it?  I know I’m scared… I know why I’m scared… I know I’m running ahead of myself…. Do I really want to do this? Or am I better off being alone?  But what’s the harm in going on a date?  Fat me wouldn’t have an issue with this… Skinny me is more unsure of herself than I thought she could ever be….. Fat me had an excuse that her fat was what drove guys away.. skinny me knows she doesn’t have that excuse and any rejection is going to be because of ME….

Double ugh.

My latest emails from my dating profile

For those who don’t know:  HWP is Height Weight Proportionate.   DDF is Drug Disease Free  MFM is Married for Married…

I haven’t posted in a while, these stories are in addition to the lovely men who I have shared about on my Face Book page. It seems no matter what I put as a profile photo.. no matter what I say IN that profile, I get nothing but creeps and jerks.

I think my sense of humor is waning with this whole “dating” thing.  I’ve had one serious date in the years of “looking” for that special someone. That one date made me get Pepper Spray the next morning.  (That story can be found in another one of my blog posts)

Granted, this last year is the first year I’ve actually been dead serious and actually have been searching with some intent on dating.  I’ve reinvented myself by loosing weight, getting healthy, and letting the seeds I’ve planted over the years come to bloom.  If I had known THIS was what was out there…… I would have continued eating the pizza and ice cream and stayed happy being alone.

Without further ado, here are the newest ‘winners’…. and yes, you can use ‘winners’ in various ways….

Guy age 23……. His email to me….Hi, I am looking for a women into watching each other masterbaiting. It can be exciting to watch each other get off together. If this might sound fun please email me.

Guy age 40….. Are you the girl everyone thinks is good and wholesome, the girl next door? Only deep down is a horny naughty girl aching to come out. You spend hours masturbating to porn imagining you are the porn starlette. You so want to experience porn star like sex, but are afraid to show this naughty side.

Guy age 53…. if you like sex fun and friendship lets talk . age ? i am 53 yrs old average normal fun . you come tell me i am just looking to see what goes . feel free to say hi and let life happen . thanks …….   Attached photo of him “doggying” a woman…

Guy age 37…. Hello… I’m a good looking, normal, sane guy, 37, HWP and DDF with short brown hair and brown eyes, educated, laid back guy that loves to laugh. Always smiling! Not happy at home, looking for like minded female interested in fun on the side. Discretion is a must; not looking to change my home situation or yours. Mostly available for discreet encounters during working hours. Is there anyone out there that wants to be happier with some added excitement and romance?

Guy age 19  (yes, 19)  Maybe I’m fishing in the wrong pond here but after several relationships over the years that haven’t gone too well, I decided to come back here to see what happens. I’m a thin, white avid fisher and sports watcher who is independent and just looking for the right woman to talk with for now and to see if anything more might happen.

I know what I want and I’m not looking for a one-night stand, someone to toy with or lead astray. I’m seeking a woman that knows what love is really all about. You might think it’s easy to find out there but why haven’t I been able to find it yet after all these years?

With the weather getting nicer and fishing weather just around the corner, I want to spend this spring, and perhaps this lifetime, with a new woman who is down to earth, knows what she wants and can make me feel appreciated. I’m a slow starter but have a HUGE heart for whoever manages to ride it out. I am independent with a job, car and place and all I’m looking for now is the right woman.

I drink socially and do NOT want a smoker so please if you smoke, I wish you luck in your search. Please be between 18-28 years old, SINGLE and know what you’re looking for. I melt for intelligence, those who hold conversations, and fun personalities. Pics aren’t necessary but I value good introductions.

 

 

Dating Site Adventures

Do you like phone sex?  Diaper play?  Golden Showers?  Ever had sex with a dog?  Scat play?  (I had to look THAT one up…  and NO, It’s NOT a type of JAZZ…..ICK)  I’m married, I’m just separated. I’m lonely.  I’m looking to get laid.   Are there any real women on this site?  I am looking for someone to take care of me and my 4 year old son…… My wife just died last week and I’m lonely. (Yes, someone actually emailed me that last night.. I asked his name, did a google search.. and WOW.. she DID just die like days ago… not sure the body is even freakin COLD at this moment)

And then, my favorite:  Are you a real person or a bot on this site.  Are there ANY real women on this site?  Yup, there are… and you just sent them a pic of your flaccid dick… dude, at least TRIM the BUSHES… seriously… And if you have to hold it up in a pic, perhaps it’s not one you want to be sending out?

I have read and re-read my online dating profile and I don’t GET where they think I’m into this stuff.  I am actually wondering if ALL people are into these things and I’m just a prude.  I have heard of animal attraction to someone…  Not sure that means dogs though…

My profile on three sites is as follows:

Who am I? I’m a funny, free-spirited, open minded forty-something woman who enjoys riding a motorcycle . I find humor in every day experiences.

I’m self sufficient but love having doors opened for me. While I am mostly indoorsy, I also enjoy outdoor activities such as going to parks, camping, fishing..  I do like to go out with friends to listen to Karaoke as well as movies and dinners…What am I looking for? A good laugh, a partner in crime, great conversation, honesty, and a friend.  Get to know me before you ask for my cell phone number. You should message me if you are tired of talking to your pets. While it’s true that their love is unconditional, they may not be telling you the whole truth.

SEE???   Nothing that I want to mother someone…change diapers… Nothing saying I am overly “fond” of farm animals….Zilch about me liking to play with bodily secretions..  NOTHING that says let’s hook up, I like to talk dirty over the phone to men I don’t know (1-900 numbers available for that) 99 cents per minute and you don’t have to buy them dinner…

As I type this my APP beeps and a 28-year-old guy asks if I am 420 friendly and if I wanna hook up tonight…

Is it that I say I’m free-spirited?  Open minded?  I just DON’T get it..

 

Valentines day…my most memorable..

Many years ago, before I had children, I was a newly wed (3 years I think).  Way back then, I still had a weight issue… well, I’ve ALWAYS had a weight issue..  But back then, I wasn’t fighting the “I have to eat that second hot fudge sundae, I’m eating for TWO” weight… Yeah, pre-baby shrimp and pickle juice days.  (It was GOOD.. you have to try it sometime!)

Being a newlywed, kind-of, holds certain expectations.  I’m sure we have all been there.. expecting the wine and romance and hanky panky late into the night by candle-light things.  (yeah, blucky huh).

Well, I had expectations back then too.  I expected for two things.. either he would forget, or if he remembered, it would be something that HE would enjoy, not something for ME, his valentine.  My ex wasn’t a flowers kind of guy… or chocolates… or even I’ll take in the groceries…. He was a here, put on these thigh high boots I just got for you and walk around the house for me kind of guy…  (yeah, they are still in my closet unused if you are wondering)

This one special Valentines day, my expectations, as I said were low.. but my hope was HIGH.  I was on a diet, and he knew I was, and actually was being supportive… (a first I may add)…  So imagine my surprise when I came in the door that afternoon and there was a red rose (which I am deathly allergic to .  Beautiful to look at, they make me sick as a proverbial dog…. )  But there it was, a long stem red rose…  At least he remembered right?  I put it high on the fridge where I could see it.. and the smell would be far enough away that I could still enjoy the fact he remembered me.

There was a small heart shaped box of chocolates on my pillow… Yeah… diet is blown.. but hey, at least they are the GOOD ones with the nuts… no nougats.. (who eats that shit? especially the pink ones… *barf-o-ramma*)

So, to make sure you are on the same track as I am:  I’m allergic to roses and he got me a rose.  I am on a strict diet… and he got me chocolates… But he remembered me!  ON the day!  Not sale stuff on the 15.. but ON Valentines day!

I hear the door to our apartment open and I turn to see him come in….

bald.   Totally, bald.  Full beard/mustache/head of curls GONE… Hair on his chest that usually stuck out the top of his shirt… GONE…

Apparently, he had decided to “trim the bushes” and it got out of hand…  30 years old… bald as a cue ball… all because he had a need to do some manscaping……  Trim combs were not his forte’ I am surmising.  He had butchered his hair so badly that he had gone to a barber for help… Who said “hey dude, your wife is gonna FLIP when she sees this.. you better get her some valentine shit”  (YUP, he told me that’s why he remembered.. the barber told him)

But honey, you still have the boots I gave you last year that you have never worn in the closet……….. put them on and walk around for me…..

There was no hot monkey sex that night…. I went and did laundry at the laundromat alone..

About a week later I got a chuckle as the hair started to grow back… and the itch was killing him.   Hell, 20 plus years later I STILL get a good laugh at the look of agony on his face over that itch…

Dating sites..

Yeah, I am on on a few dating sites.  They are not exactly as much fun as some people may think.  Actually, they can be scary and frustrating at the same time. (Lecherous old men and dick pics are abound on most sites) But sometimes, rarely, they can be fun too.  I have had a few laughs before things turned creepy. (Do you like to have your toes licked and sucked?)

Not sure if people have gathered from my posts.. but I’m not religious..  at all… Not in the “true” sense that some people may try to label others as.  I tend towards pagan beliefs.  Mother earth, father sky, the earth as a whole.  It’s just who I am.  (No, I don’t fly on a broom stick or wear a funny pointed hat) I’m also quiet liberal (Go Bernie!) I mean seriously.  Last time I was in a church was, um, when was the last local earth quake?  That was me, the saints fell off the wall and hell started to freeze over.  If there were really this many men who were catholic (as they have listed on their profiles) churches wouldn’t be in such dire straights..  (moaning OH GOD Sunday mornings during sex doesn’t count)

I’m not looking for someone who is the polar opposite of who I am.  I had that.  I divorced it. I take shots at it every chance I get.  (rebel flag, you can have my guns when you pry them from my dead hands and GO TRUMP hand painted on his pickup truck… that’s my ex)

Is there such a thing as a hippy, peace loving, hard working, liberal minded, non religious, fun loving, sarcastic, yoga loving, motorcycle riding, tattoo loving, bad boy with a job and previous relationship experience that lasted more than a few months?  Someone who wears jeans and t-shirts but also owns a suit that is NOT made out of corduroy or has the word leisure in the name?

OK.. maybe someone who has teeth that looks like he’s seen a dentist in this century and has a car??

 

Sex and the single mom

Yeah, I’ve been single a while… perhaps too long for my own good (or the good of the next man I happen to get naked in bed.. I may break him)

So, I’ve recently started dating again.  This is a small collection of some things I’ve encountered on some dating profiles lately.  Not really funny, just things I’ve encountered…

The “I have a penis pic” guy, who thinks that sending me a photo of his “member” is a GOOD opening.  Funny, most of them are SMALL… tooooo small to be fun!

The “HI” message.  One word, that’s it..  my all time favorite was HY.. yes, with a Y…

The “blank” profile.  Why go through 9000 attempt to find a username that isn’t taken to not bother to actually FILL in the thing?

The “weird” dude…. “I would drag my dick through broken glass to see you”  Can we say BLOCK?

The “You don’t know my name yet but here is my number, call me so we can have phone sex”  Yeah, no.  There are 900 numbers you can call for that.  99 cents a minute, what a deal!

The WTF guy… “Can you send me a picture of your teeth and feet? I love teeth and feet.”

The “Too Much Too Fast” guy…. First email: “I love you.”

The “I don’t know what to call him” guy:  “You said you were 48. You look 38. I’d like to give you 8 inches!”

The “Lets just put it all out there guy”  Second email.. Mind you, I don’t know his name yet…  “Do you like to be choked during sex?”

The guy I’m not interested in and just ignore, you then starts a conversation with himself, which continues over the course of 5 days (so far).  No, I haven’t blocked him, his talking to himself is entertaining.

And only today I received this one:  Hey there, pretty lady. What should we order for breakfast the morning after our date?

 

 

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