Category Archives: Out and about in the city

Dating sites..

Yeah, I am on on a few dating sites.  They are not exactly as much fun as some people may think.  Actually, they can be scary and frustrating at the same time. (Lecherous old men and dick pics are abound on most sites) But sometimes, rarely, they can be fun too.  I have had a few laughs before things turned creepy. (Do you like to have your toes licked and sucked?)

Not sure if people have gathered from my posts.. but I’m not religious..  at all… Not in the “true” sense that some people may try to label others as.  I tend towards pagan beliefs.  Mother earth, father sky, the earth as a whole.  It’s just who I am.  (No, I don’t fly on a broom stick or wear a funny pointed hat) I’m also quiet liberal (Go Bernie!) I mean seriously.  Last time I was in a church was, um, when was the last local earth quake?  That was me, the saints fell off the wall and hell started to freeze over.  If there were really this many men who were catholic (as they have listed on their profiles) churches wouldn’t be in such dire straights..  (moaning OH GOD Sunday mornings during sex doesn’t count)

I’m not looking for someone who is the polar opposite of who I am.  I had that.  I divorced it. I take shots at it every chance I get.  (rebel flag, you can have my guns when you pry them from my dead hands and GO TRUMP hand painted on his pickup truck… that’s my ex)

Is there such a thing as a hippy, peace loving, hard working, liberal minded, non religious, fun loving, sarcastic, yoga loving, motorcycle riding, tattoo loving, bad boy with a job and previous relationship experience that lasted more than a few months?  Someone who wears jeans and t-shirts but also owns a suit that is NOT made out of corduroy or has the word leisure in the name?

OK.. maybe someone who has teeth that looks like he’s seen a dentist in this century and has a car??

 

Tonight, before yoga…

At my local community college, I went into the restroom before taking a yoga class.  While there, I overheard some woman talking to her friend about her daughter. “I told her she should do kegel exercises, but she just won’t listen. So I said fine, don’t do it, but you’ll just keep wetting the bed. I hope her boyfriend likes waking up covered in pee!”

Not a good conversation to have in a public bathroom….

Overheard at CVS…

Older woman: Excuse me, miss?
Younger woman: Yeah?
Older woman: Your veil, your burqa is very beautiful. I didn’t know your people were allowed to wear it in bright colors.
Younger woman: It’s not a burqa, it’s a poncho. I got it at TJ Maxx.

Overheard conversation….

Getting blood work done at my local hospital the other day I overheard a conversation between a man and his daughter… (she must have been 4 or so) She comes in and is chattering a mile a minute….. I really try to ignore her until what she is talking about penetrates my mind….

kid: But daddy… really…Mommy shaves her hoo-hoo!

dad: Okay, honey. Look, do you want your book?

kid: I came in the bathroom this morning and asked Mommy what she was doing and she said shaving her hoo-hoo. Mommy shaves her hoo-hoo!

dad: Honey, remember when we discussed at-home conversations and outside conversations?

kid: Yes.

dad: Well, this is an at-home conversation.

kid: Okay, daddy. [Sings to herself quietly] Mommmyyy shaves her hoo-hoooo…

That’s when I got called in for blood work… Darn it…

Sorry kids…

Why my children won’t be seen in public with me reason 201: Stop and Shop today I was buying cat food. Two cats for a month is a sizable pile. Plus they eat dry and wet. I put 50 some odd cans and a 20lbs bag on the belt. The cashier begins to ring me out and asks… “Do you have a cat?” Those of you who know me know I could NOT just let this “Here is your sign” moment pass. SO, I replied, “No, it’s for my mother who is on a fixed income.” I look at the guy behind me and roll my eyes. Now, I know that comment can be taken two ways, and decided to play it out how ever it was taken. The cashier’s face went white and she asks “She eats cat food?” The snort from the guy behind me was all I needed to continue. Me: “Yes, she does, and she loves this brand the most. Says the gravy is to die for.” Cashier: “Oh my, you do know there are food banks in the city?” Me: “Oh yes, but the nutritional value of dry and canned food can’t be beat.” Man behind me, laughing so hard he’s coughing and beet red. The cashier looks me in the eye and says : “You’re joking?” Me: “Oh no, hunger in this country is rampant, I would never joke about something like that.” I pay the cashier and as I start to leave, she says to the man behind me, “Oh, She should be feeding her mother instead of letting her eat cat food!” The man now doubles over laughing and I take a step back and say: “Oh, we only like Alpo at my house, and mom can’t stand it because it gets stuck in her dentures.”

How I managed to keep a straight face I will NEVER know…

Here is YOUR sign sweetheart…

THREE “here’s your sign” moments in the past week…. 1, car in front of me at the light stalls forcing me to stop. woman behind me gets out and comes to my window to yell at me to move, which I would do if she hadn’t just boxed me in (only 3 cars at the light btw)…… 2, neighbor comes over to yell at me because the mailman put my mail in her box…..3, I asked another neighbor why she has her computer tower wedged in the window. Apparently she has satellite for internet and has to have it with a clear view of the southern sky…

An AHHA moment….

UREKA!!!!! I Just made a discovery! I know why young guys wear their pants at their hips….. Because they are mimicking the men who put their pants under their beer bellies!!

Dude with “swag”

Saw a teen walking from the local high school with 2 pairs of pants on. The outer layer was down below his ass, and the inner was at his waist….. and then I saw it….. he actually had his hands in the pockets of the inner pair……..

Out and about in the city…

Stupid person 143. Guy walking with swag, pants past his hips, almost mid thigh.. Trying to run across the street at the local high schools crosswalk this morning, carrying a tray full of hot drinks…….. and his pants fall to his ankles, and he falls..drinks go everywhere… Just the thing I needed to start my day on a laughter note. Thanks DUDE.. I needed that!!!

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